Lights will guide you home

It was 2 years ago. I left home on a sunny day with a bag full of confidence, a bundle of beliefs and eye set on a vision. Carrying these armaments, I jumped on my ship and left. What a pleasant day it was! Bright sun shining, birds chirping in the sky, the helmsman was enjoying steering the ship,  we were a group of people riding together to reach a common island. Working, partying, celebrating, socializing I didn’t realize and a year passed. But then, I started to get bored. I wanted to do something adventurous, something more fun. I wanted to steer the ship now.

I had an idea of what it takes to be a helmsman. It looked so fancy. I wanted to experience that freedom, that power. So I jumped. Jumped into the sea, boarded a dinghy and rode. It took a while to get the balance but I kept trying. I had moved far. I didn’t know where I was going but I had an anchor which kept me going. I was riding slowly but I was moving.  I was still learning to sail. I realized very soon that the competition was tough. There were many other dinghies around, ready to ride over each other, fighting to push the other one down but I kept riding. I think I sailed through because I wasn’t focusing on the ones around. And in almost 6 months, I reached a small island. It was the first destination. We celebrated. Had to, right? What a journey it had been.

Excited to conquer the next island, I sailed ahead. Been just a while that I lost control. I couldn’t move ahead. I didn’t know what was stopping. I tried, and tried again but couldn’t move. I started to get restless. The clouds started to get dark. It was about to rain. What a loud thunder it was! The food that I had got from the ship and what I had gathered from the island started to finish. There was water everywhere but not a drop to drink. I got so scared, so scared! My heartbeat started to rush and I was sweating in the sea.  In that moment, the only way I could see to survive was jumping into the sea. So I jumped again. I swam to find a base. I didn’t know if there was a base around, if was then how far was it. I kept swimming. I think I was escaping. What if I stayed there and fought to take the boat out? But I escaped. I kept swimming for 2 months before I came back to my dinghy. Following are the learning from the 2 most difficult months of my life so far:

  1. Entrepreneurship is a function of being, not doing

To be an entrepreneur, it is not necessary to do entrepreneurship. What I mean by that is that it’s not necessary to quit a job, force to get a team, rush to build an idea and hurry to work things out. One can be an entrepreneur wherever he/she is. It is a function of being. What is important is to cause things like an entrepreneur, to make things happen at a face of no agreement. Be an entrepreneur, don’t do it.

  1. It is important to acknowledge yourself

It is critical to acknowledge oneself. In the world of cut throat competition and struggle to survive, it is important that one acknowledges who he/she is and who he/she isn’t and stand at a space of appreciation of oneself. To be aware of one’s own strengths and weaknesses and to be in appreciation of however way we are, it will work is probably the most wonderful experience. This is what makes you win because this is what makes one keep learning.

  1. Work and purpose of life can be in 2 different plates

I was struggling. It had been 2 years that I was working. Either I was struggling to find the expression of who I am at work or I was struggling to make enough money. And I kept trying to identify how to put both of them on the same plate. It took me a while to discover that these two can be on two different plates. They can certainly be one but there is no point in forcing them to be on one. If they have to, it will happen.

  1. It’s people who matter at the end of the day. Really.

Believe in your people.  Not everyone will stand by you at these times but those who do, will always do. Cherish them, appreciate them, hold on to them. These are the ones it’s worth fighting for. As I always say, a single person can make a relationship work; what’s is important is to distinguish if the relationship is worth fighting for!

  1. Money is a need to survive:

All this while, I was resigned about money. I have always said that I don’t need money and I kept making myself right. It was difficult to accept but I needed money. And when I realized this, I wanted a lot of it. The 2 months made me realize that a lot of money isn’t required but it is definitely needed.

The weather is still not completely clear. I can see a light at a distance and I am all set with my armaments to fight to reach to that beautiful island. Infact, I got some new armaments on the way. I may struggle again, may lose the way as well, but I am sure I will find a way.

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The dilemma of this or that

I am lost in the contrasting thoughts.

One part asks me to stay with family, support them, be with them and cause work around; the other part asks me to move out of my small town and work hard so that I can take their responsibility.  Is work the centre of life?

One part makes me wonder about simple life in a small town, everything available easily, no time waste in travel and focus on people; the other part makes me wonder of the difficult life at a city, lessons it would teach, recreation in holds, friends it has accommodated.  I know I will have to make a choice.

One part asks me to focus on what I want to do, make myself happy and only then will I be able to make others happy; the other part asks me to focus on supporting people around, take them along, and win together. Am I stuck in the vicious circle of right and wrong?

One part asks me to take up any job and manage my survival, and keep doing what I want alongside; the other part says to identify what I want to do and make it living. Am I being too significant and idealistic?

Actions are missing. Or sensitivity is overloaded. I am sure lights will guide me home.the-road-less-traveled

I am lost

It has been over a month that I have been on this rollercoaster of emotions. Life doesn’t seem to be working out. 2 years since I graduated and the exploration continues. A job that paid money every month but couldn’t pay wholeness, a startup experience that paid a new paradigm of awareness but could not pay money and here I am today, sitting in a train, escaping from these arrays of fears, anxieties and expectations to the land of adventure in a hope to find my answers.  What am I looking for?

This age of 20 something is so weird. The heart says, “Go explore the most you can. Travel. Meet people.  Take risks. Go beyond the fears. Discover yourself.” The head says, “What are you doing? This is the foundation of your career. Focus on work. Spend sleepless nights developing your skills. Get that masters degree. How will you take care of the responsibilities?” And I find myself lost in the contrasts, the extremes, the fears and anxieties. What do I do?

The adventurous, the rebel, the entrepreneurial  me wants me to develop independent skills, start building a blog, develop myself as a coach, get skilled at designing and learn basic technology so that the survival is taken care and I move out travelling the world, experiencing people and places, supporting people in developing their potential for atleast coming 3 years. I am sure that’s gonna make me more skilled than what an MBA would give. While discovering myself in these years, create a company and be at the source of designing the life the way I want. The insecure, full of fears and anxieties me says, be practical Archit. Take up a job, polish your skills, save money. Don’t escape from the responsibilities. Keep figuring out what you want while being at job, get safe first.

Is that what life is about? Is it about working so that I can take care of myself and my family? Or is it about achieving/doing what I want in life? Or is it about something more? Something more holistic, more inclusive? What am I here for? Am I complicating my life by focusing on self and work? Is there any other way to survive? Infact why to survive? In this search of answers and expressions, I am lost.

Nothing wrong about it but I am lost.

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