I am lost in the contrasting thoughts.
One part asks me to stay with family, support them, be with them and cause work around; the other part asks me to move out of my small town and work hard so that I can take their responsibility. Is work the centre of life?
One part makes me wonder about simple life in a small town, everything available easily, no time waste in travel and focus on people; the other part makes me wonder of the difficult life at a city, lessons it would teach, recreation in holds, friends it has accommodated. I know I will have to make a choice.
One part asks me to focus on what I want to do, make myself happy and only then will I be able to make others happy; the other part asks me to focus on supporting people around, take them along, and win together. Am I stuck in the vicious circle of right and wrong?
One part asks me to take up any job and manage my survival, and keep doing what I want alongside; the other part says to identify what I want to do and make it living. Am I being too significant and idealistic?
Actions are missing. Or sensitivity is overloaded. I am sure lights will guide me home.
Sitting in my small new office, sipping over a cup of coffee and attempting to focus on the new project I was working on, something happened. I sensed a drop of sweat on my hand in that AC room. My head was paining. I did not know what it was all about! May be about the charm of what it used to be, or may be about the excitement of the journey I have set myself on or may be about the mystery of how it will unfold. And there I was, exasperated at the instant, right before the feeling of strange belief and thrill hit me. I wasn’t sure what was happening. I wanted to cry. I was smiling instead. It was the 3rd day since I shifted to my small town.
Strange things were happening around. I came back to my home, just like I have thousands of times before. But this time it was different. I think everyone wanted some answers from me. There were awkward stares and smiles; may be because I had left my job and came back home to start my own company. I woke up the next day right at the time I was getting up for the past 1 year; for my job. Getting back to senses on finding parents around instead of friends, I slept again. Was I trying to avoid something? I got up late and went to meet the people I was going to work with. And unexpectedly, we started working the same day. I was amazed at their orientation towards taking actions ‘now’ than ‘soon’. There was a pinch of inspiration at that moment. I went back home late that night. We were working. At home, I could again sense those awkward smiles waiting for me to answer something. I think they were not prepared for me to get back home that late. Leaving office by 6pm and reaching home by 8pm was what they remembered from the big city, I should have been home by 6:05pm in my small town by that reference. It took them almost a month to understand I wasn’t in a job now, I was creating my own company and it took me even more to understand that this was not easy for them. Nobody was leaving their jobs, some were shifting; nobody was shifting to lesser financial earnings, mostly were going up in that context; nobody was going to a smaller town, all were craving for the bigger ones. It really took us time before things got settled, but I am happy they did. 🙂