I am lost

It has been over a month that I have been on this rollercoaster of emotions. Life doesn’t seem to be working out. 2 years since I graduated and the exploration continues. A job that paid money every month but couldn’t pay wholeness, a startup experience that paid a new paradigm of awareness but could not pay money and here I am today, sitting in a train, escaping from these arrays of fears, anxieties and expectations to the land of adventure in a hope to find my answers.  What am I looking for?

This age of 20 something is so weird. The heart says, “Go explore the most you can. Travel. Meet people.  Take risks. Go beyond the fears. Discover yourself.” The head says, “What are you doing? This is the foundation of your career. Focus on work. Spend sleepless nights developing your skills. Get that masters degree. How will you take care of the responsibilities?” And I find myself lost in the contrasts, the extremes, the fears and anxieties. What do I do?

The adventurous, the rebel, the entrepreneurial  me wants me to develop independent skills, start building a blog, develop myself as a coach, get skilled at designing and learn basic technology so that the survival is taken care and I move out travelling the world, experiencing people and places, supporting people in developing their potential for atleast coming 3 years. I am sure that’s gonna make me more skilled than what an MBA would give. While discovering myself in these years, create a company and be at the source of designing the life the way I want. The insecure, full of fears and anxieties me says, be practical Archit. Take up a job, polish your skills, save money. Don’t escape from the responsibilities. Keep figuring out what you want while being at job, get safe first.

Is that what life is about? Is it about working so that I can take care of myself and my family? Or is it about achieving/doing what I want in life? Or is it about something more? Something more holistic, more inclusive? What am I here for? Am I complicating my life by focusing on self and work? Is there any other way to survive? Infact why to survive? In this search of answers and expressions, I am lost.

Nothing wrong about it but I am lost.

who_am_i

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